To curse ones own existence, to be filled with thoughts of the seemingly never-ending mistakes you’ve made, the feelings you have of your overwhelming weaknesses and imperfections; your judgmental mind with each negative thought creates a barrier that builds to imprison the very essence of yourself within. Unable to forgive the weak self you see embodying your reflection whenever you look to see for any change, you punish and torment yourself, as if a prisoner to yourself, with thoughts and acts of negativity surrounded by feelings of unworthiness and wishes of atonement.
That pain, which slowly weakens the joy of the soul, is the same pain Ultear spoke about before performing her sacrificial act of atonement…My heart, it pains…it’s not because it’s drowning within the sorrowful tears being released, but because it witnessed and felt something so moving. It just can’t help but react to the embrace it just experienced, the embrace of Ultear’s cry of existence conveyed through her desperate activation of a taboo spell in hopes of saving others she views as more deserving then herself to live.
Throughout the conveyance of her feelings of remorse over her past actions and current self, I wanted to just reach my hand out to her and say “you have changed! Your life is not meaningless, so, SO DON’T GIVE UP!!” It was painful, crushingly painful watching powerlessly someone so good torment themselves so much over a side of themselves they have definitely changed from. Ultear…you really are just like your mother…/tear…
I love it when antagonistic characters realise the error of their ways and attempt to change to atone for the pain they have caused to others. In particular I love characters like Ultear, who rather then choose the path of “evil”, were victims of circumstances and ended up being led down such an unfortunate path. So that when the light of change shines down on them, feelings of euphoria feel so refreshing and uplifting.
The development with Ultear and her “Last Ages” spell was handled spectacularly, it wasn’t just some scene tacked on to the story to prevent the deaths of certain characters, but it was a scene with real depth and meaning behind it that went totally beyond the rewriting of deaths that happened. It fleshed out the continuing despair a person feels over past actions, the pain they suffer and the desperation they have from wanting to change. The “Last Ages” spell, more then being used to save Gray and the others who died, it echoed the feelings of a character so totally relevant to this manga that I feel represents perfectly what the Fairy Tail manga is about, and it sparked an additional development in story, the catalyst to humanities fight-back against the dragons and their dragon spawn. The “Last Ages” spell was definitely a miracle sent by an angel, an angel who sacrificed the essence of her life, her “time”, to perform.
Ultear’s farewell in chapter 339…I’m glad, she opened up to the possibility of forgiving herself once realising that in this world of infinite possibilities, her and her own problems are insignificant relative to it. She let go of her judgmental mind and all the negative emotions she directed at herself, now in this harmonious state, she finally accepted herself and allowed herself to be happy and for the first time let out a smile devoid of any rejection.
It’s still a heartbreaking farewell from such an amazing character. Only at the end of her ‘time’ was she finally able to attain that which she so desperately fought and lived for, it leaves an incredibly bitter aftertaste in your mouth when you find your heart wanting Ultear to have more of a chance to relish in this new found peace she has attained and finally live a life she always dreamed of along with the nakama she has made. Gray’s reaction to seeing Ultear in her aged state only adds emotion to this…he was the one person to believe in her when everyone cast her off as evil, she was able to get a second chance thanks to him and her mother. The real bitterness and pain comes from the realisation that the two of them won’t be able to bask in the sunshine of life together and from the fact that Gray once again was unable to save someone incredibly precious to him. Still, Ultear, you are amazing.
I’m actually wishing that some magic to undo the effects of magic can be used on Ultear just so she can continue being in the story and not have to suffer such an unfortunate fate. It’s sounds silly, but I really REALLY want Ultear to have that happy ending she so deeply deserves…
Back to the other events in the recent chapters, Natsu was quite badass in having Atlas Flame ally with him and laying the smack down on future Rogue. The way Natsu can inspire you is quite something, and this all stems from his nature of wearing his feeling on his fists; without holding back and by putting all his soul into his flames, Natsu is able to communicate precisely what he is feeling. And even if it is a Natsu from an alternate future, Natsu is still Natsu.
The incoming threat of Tartaros, another piece in the Balam Alliance, and the incoming threat of Zeref, things are about to get real crazy in Fairy Tail, especially with Zeref declaring his intention of massacring all existence and Marvis declaring Fairy Tail’s intention to stop him. I’m very excited to see how developments are going to pan out from now on, so very much looking forward to the coming chapters, especially the three chapters in the next issue.
Fairy Tail, I just keep falling more and more in love with you. Mashima-sensei, my heart thanks you from the depths of my existence. Really, I am forever grateful that you had made the decision to start a manga called Fairy Tail and have worked so hard and passionately these past seven years to create such an emotion-filled and exciting story complimented by such amazing characters. So, thank you.